Memory of a Dream
by BLUEanimeGIRL025
Summary: Just something I dug up. I wrote it a long time ago and never posted it. Yuna thinking about Tidus, she keeps waiting for his whistle. I planned on it being several chapters long, but I don't know if I'll ever finish it. I might just let it be a one-shot.


_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Final Fantasy. mmhm._

_**Summary:**__ Yuna remembering Tidus._

* * *

"Memories are nice, but that's all they are."

It's an Al Bhed saying. Rikku was the first person who said it to me.

"Memories are just memories," Wakka says. Even Lulu thinks that I should move on and forget about you. Well... especially Lulu. She thinks that it's unhealthy for me to think about you so much. And maybe... it is.

But even now, you are still a such big part of my life. Forgetting about you would be like forgetting about everything that happened during my journey as a summoner, and even though Sin is gone, I am still a summoner. It's what I grew up knowing I would be, and it's what I'm always going to be until the day I am gone as well. With Spira revolving and changing around me, I stand steady, and remember the past. I can change too of course - actually, I already have. But nothing, not even the differences in today's Spira, can take away who I am.

I cannot forget about you. I will not forget about you. And even though I know that you might never come back... no... you're never coming back, are you?

Even though you're never coming back, I can savior every memory I have of you. I can keep them close to my heart, and sometimes, it feels like you're there too. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still hear your whistle....

* * *

Yuna was lying in her bed in the cabin of the Celsius, trying to sleep, but once again she was being kept awake, her thoughts all tangled up in the memory of Tidus. The pain she never lets anyone see weighs heavy on her heart when she is alone in the dark like this. Rikku and Paine were both already sleeping soundly in the beds next to hers. Even Barkeep had retired for the night. Yuna was fighting hard to keep her eyes open, because despite the fact that she really wanted to sleep, every time she closed her eyes everything just got worse. Behind her eyelids, all she could see was him.

Slowly, though, her thoughts began to slow and she became drowsy. She was half remembering, half dreaming, as her eyelids slid closed....

The sound of a whistle suddenly jerked her awake like a bolt of lightning striking her in the chest. She instantly sat up in bed, breathing hard. How many times had she heard that whistle? How many times was it going to keep her from sleep?

Frustrated and suddenly uncomfortable, Yuna pushed the covers aside and got out of bed, thinking that maybe some fresh air could clear her head. Of course, it wasn't the first time she had strived for this particular solution; she got the same idea every night but it never did her any good. Sure, she'd feel better once she was outside, and feeling light and tired she would go back to bed, only to find that once again she still couldn't sleep. She knows it, but she gets out of bed anyway, every night.

The cold air bites comfortingly at her bare arms as the door to the deck opens and she steps out. A few tiny clouds swirled by her feet. You can't hear the tiny crickets of earth when you're so far above the ground and on an airship, but every night there are a million tiny fires burning down in Spira, indicating that not everybody is asleep. Yuna got a little dizzy whenever she looked over the edge. It was like peering into a sea of stars. Kind of disorienting, but Yuna loved it. She always felt refreshed, and alive, whenever she stood out on the deck alone at night.

Suddenly, the whistle sounded again. She jumped a little when the sound of it pierced the peaceful quiet of the wind rushing past her ears, and falling off balance with the movement of the ship, Yuna fell to her bottom. "Ouch," she complained. Yuna _knew_ that she had heard the whistle that time. So it was real. She had thought before that maybe it had just been a part of her dreams, and who knew, maybe she was only hallucinating it now. She didn't like to think that she missed him enough for _that_. Going crazy was not a part of a sphere hunter's job description.

Before she could think about it for very long though, a shape appeared on the deck in front of her. Near transparent and surrounded by pyreflies, there he was, standing before her with his fingers in his mouth as he whistled. He wasn't looking at her though - it was like he couldn't see her. His arm lowered, and with the sound of the whistle hanging in the air, he disappeared. Then, as soon as he had gone, he appeared again, pyreflies and all, and once again, he whistled. He was calling for her, she realized desperately.

Again, Tidus disappeared. "Wait!" she cried, lurching to her feet. The sound of his whistle faded soon after he did, and he did not reappear again. "Wait..." she said quietly, desperately. Her hand was still half-extended, reaching out for him. He was definitely calling for her, she was sure of it. Yuna didn't know where he was, or how she was going to get to him, but suddenly she was so sure of the fact that he _was _out there somewhere. She had to reach him somehow. She _had_ to see him!

"Memories are nice," said a soft voice behind her. "But that's all they are."

Yuna spun around, and was surprised to see the fayth standing there. It was the boy, the fayth of Bevelle who had gifted her with Bahaumt. Near the end of her journey as a summoner, he had spoken to her personally several times, more as a friend than fayth. He too was near transparent, but that was normal for a fayth, and he was also surrounded by pyreflies. "Where is he?" she demanded breathlessly. Yuna didn't even think that she might be being rude. At the moment, Tidus was all her tired mind could think about.

"Remember what Rikku told you," the fayth said, and then he was gone as well.

After a moment of stunned silence and wide eyed disbelief, Yuna hung her head. This was the first moment of actual hope she had had in so long, the first time she had seen _him_ since the day he and the fayth had all disappeared. It should be an exciting, frantic moment, but somehow she just felt so lost and alone. Really, what did they expect her to do? Why did things like this always have to be so cryptic? If there really was any way for her to be with Tidus again, couldn't the fayth just come out and say it instead of leaving her strange little messages like that?

What had he meant? _"Remember what Rikku told you...."_ Was he telling her to forget about Tidus? That there was no way to bring him back, and she should just give up her search? That she should just stop hoping and move on, as everyone was encouraging to do?

"Why is everyone pushing me away from the one thing I want?" she demanded angrily of the sky. She received no answer, and a warm stream of tears trickled down her face.

"Yuna?" Surprised, Yuna looked up to see Paine lingering by the door that opened to the deck. It was still sliding shut behind her. Paine hadn't been there throughout Yuna's journey, and she had never met Tidus, but she had always been supportive enough of Yuna's cause. Yuna thought there was a secret there, that somehow Paine understood what it was like to try so hard to get something back that was already lost. She never asked. But she believed that Paine was a good person, a good friend despite the tough act she put on all the time.

Embarrassed to be caught crying, Yuna wiped away her tears. "Just couldn't sleep," she said. It sounded like a weak excuse, even to her.

Paine was quiet as she approached her. "You haven't been able to sleep for a while now," she noted as she passed Yuna by to stand at the front of the deck. She crouched down, letting the wind blow her short hair back. "You know?"

Yuna was quiet. She hadn't thought that Paine or Rikku had known about that. Maybe she hadn't been quiet enough when she left the cabin at night. She hoped she hadn't bothered them too much getting up and laying back down all the time. Slowly but surely, Yuna was turning into a night owl. She didn't like the thought of that.

"So... why are you crying?" Paine continued.

"I'm not crying," Yuna replied quickly.

"...You're a bad liar."

* * *

What could Yuna do? Really? She had heard it, that was true. She had seen him, and she had heard his whistle. Was he really somewhere looking for her? Or was the fayth telling her to move on? And why did it seem like _everybody_ was already telling her that? She knew they just wanted her to be happy. She knew they meant well. The fayth had already done so much for her, two years before, during her journey as a summoner. They helped her defeat Sin, allowed her to use them for that purpose. But they had taken away her dream, too.... Maybe.... maybe the fayth stayed behind, was still there in Spira, because they were trying to tell her that Tidus couldn't come back. There was no way for a dream to become reality like that.

Yuna didn't want to sound so discouraged, but that was her thinking. Dreams were dreams, if they formed into reality they wouldn't be dreams anymore, and people would be dissatisfied. Dreams were meant to give people hope. And then, when she thought of _that_, her mind wandered back to the night that she and her friends defeated Lady Yunalesca in the ruins of Zanarkand. False hope. _"I will live with my sorrow, I will live my own life. I will stand my ground and be strong.... And I will do it without... false hope."_

It was then that Yuna realized that her thinking process was all wrong. She must not think of dreams that way. She must not count on a hope to guide her. She had to believe. Like what she had told Tidus the day of her wedding to Seymour... before she had fallen from the balcony. _Believe...._ Maybe she was thinking too much. If she kept thinking that dreams wouldn't come true, then it sounded too much like she was already giving up, like she never would see her star blitzball player again.

But that couldn't happen. She wouldn't let it happen. She _would_ be with him again. She needed to see his face again, hold his hand again, know that he was real again. Dream or not, even with nothing more than memories of him, he was still such a big part of Yuna's life, pushing her forward in this new Spira from the sidelines, as if he were still there. And whenever she thinks about giving up, she hears his voice encouraging her on. She could hear him say, _"Let's go beat Sin! And then you can have a real life, Yuna. Then you can do whatever you want!" _The words were meaningless now, but the feelings were the same. There was no Sin to defeat now, no Zanarkand lit up at night to visit, but those words, they still guided her, as they had all throughout her summoner's journey.

She still loved him. She would always love him. She could never imagine herself ever being with someone else. Before he had showed up in Spira, she had never had any kind of romantic interest in anybody. Him stepping into her life was a surprise. He... risked a lot for her sake, the first day she spent praying to the faith in Besaid. Of course, back then he hadn't known quite _what_ he was risking, but that he had broken the rules and run into the temple cloister of trials for her, when he didn't even know her... well, it had really touched her to find that out. And then Wakka told her this crazy thing, about how Tidus claimed that he was from Zanarkand. She had grown up dreaming about the stories Sir Jecht had told her, so she was excited to say the least when she learned that here was _another_ person in Spira claiming to be from that place. She had looked forward to hearing more stories, and learning more about him, but Tidus, he had been even more of an interesting person than she could have thought possible.

Whenever she got frustrated, whenever these thoughts of him filled her mind, and the memories overwhelmed her, Yuna would step outside onto the deck, the only place where she could get any privacy other than the hot, stuffy boiler room, and she would watch over Spira and whistle for him as loud as she could. She would use all the breath in her lungs until she had a headache from not getting enough oxygen.

Don't get her wrong. Though she missed Tidus dearly, and though her life felt so incomplete without him, Yuna was still enjoying herself, living her life and having fun. Because... that's what he would have wanted. And that was the faith's gift to her, and to the rest of Spira as well - the chance to live a normal, care-free life. To make your own story. And Yuna was doing that.

And of course it helped that she had such wonderful friends. In searching for Tidus she had discovered another family, another place where she belonged... aboard the airship, with her team. Paine and Rikku, they were her very best friends. Rikku, her cousin, who had been there for her during her journey, who had stayed by her side and tried so hard to think of a way to save her.... And Paine, Yuna's newest friend, with her attitude and the comical way her and Rikku would banter on together. It really gave Yuna... hope. Not false hope this time, but the real and true powerful love of friendship. She didn't know where she would be without the two of them.

Tidus changed all their lives. Possibly even all of Spira. What would have happened if he hadn't shown up there? Wakka had once said, "And to think, if you hadn't come floating up out of the sea that day...." And it was so true. If Tidus hadn't have showed up, giving them new ideas with his ignorance and questions, Yuna probably would have ended up following the usual path of a summoner. As much as she liked to think otherwise, that she would not sacrifice one of her close friends for the final summoning, it was difficult to believe that she would have strayed from her path as a summoner after coming such a long way. Actually, she might not have ever found out the truth behind it all, if not for Tidus and his determination not to let her be killed. She probably never would have learned that the final summoning was just a false hope for a Spira that everybody believed was just going to die.

If not for Tidus, Yuna would probably already be dead. But here she was, living a life of freedom in a Spira without Sin, just as he had had his dream world Zanarkand. It seemed unfair that he should not be here to share it with her. That he was just a dream, who had had his only shot at real life. All this was more or less because of him, and he was not here. It felt almost selfish for Yuna to enjoy life so much. It felt like she was betraying him.


End file.
